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The English Language as we know it

Being a writer I've always had a facination with the English language.
Let's face it, it can be a crazy language. Here are a few examples of what I mean, no wonder it's the hardest language to learn with all it's paradoxes.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger.
No apple or pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England, or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly
Boxing rings are square
AGuinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why is the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
How can a slim chance be the same as a fat chance? While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights go out, they are invisible.
Is it just me or does our language contradict itself constantly?

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